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Phazm: Cornerstones of the macabre

15/10/08 || Kampfar

I, the hater of life, even the very idea, should not be alive to write this review. I mean, if I where to have any credibility as a true misanthrope, I should have celebrated my 30th birthday, or one before, with a bullet between the eyes. Or better yet, mowing down, blowing up and generally rampaging the Norwegian parliament before ventilating my face into smithereens. Trust me, even Monty Python on a high couldn’t beat the absurdity cooked up behind those walls I so dearly would like to paint red. More precisely, red with a mush theme.

I bet none who clicked the link leading to this review had decoration, paint or politics in mind when doing so – doesn’t make me a genius, I know, but I’ll nonetheless get this shitter up and going already.

Phazm stems from France, the best metal country there is. Period with big chunks of truth in it. And this lot currently under the lupine has been one of said chunks ever since 2004, the very year their debut, “Hate at first seed”, hit one or two stores not very near you. A fine fucking album it anyway is, better than most albums ever released, but it took them “Antebellum death ‘n’ roll” to kick into top gear and cement the domination. In fact I deserve a hard hit in the face for not have written a review on the last mentioned album. Make it very hard. I urge you to check it out the brilliance after impressed by “Cornerstones of the macabre”.

And you will be, at least if extreme metal with focus based creativity and skills put to proper purpose, not even the tiniest wank allowed, is of any interest. If not, what exactly are you doing here? Get the fuck out already, you bloody imbecile. Oh, don’t forget to take the Metallica cover, namely “Damage inc.” with you. Why? Well, I love the original, you bet, but on “COTM” it is flow breaker hardly making any sense at all. And making it the last track wouldn’t have helped much either. It simply doesn’t belong. I know best, and therefore I know they should have saved it for the bullshit Japanese special, or a compilation honoring a band not worth honoring in the least.

Cover gone bad aside and I have but the spoken passages in “Mucho mojo” – nitpicking as fuck, I must add – to complain and moan about. Apart from the naggers presented, “COTM” is namely a precisely how to do it (extreme) metal potpourri. It sounds ace, is performed in the same manner, contains shitty lots of garniture and otherwise nice touches – be it a tempo-change or a riff you didn’t hear coming – all while sounding metal as fuck and then some. I know, “Strange song” isn’t exactly metal as fuck, acoustic shit seldom is, but even “unplugged” this lot rocks harder than what 94% of all so-called metal bands do. And this while chilling to the core.

So, a big fuck off to 94% of all metal ensembles then.

I hereby declare “Cornerstones of the macabre” to be the best, most versatile and exciting album this far into 2008. This far I said, but my name isn’t Eric, so don’t be surprised if it jumps into your face when reading my summary of what this dark year had to offer.

Fuck, I must also mention their fantastic groove, and their likewise vocalist, before finishing this piece and continuing my marathon wank. Done, back to bukkake.

9,5 out of 10.

Information
Released: 2008
Label: Osmose Productions
Website: www.truephazm.com
Band
Pierrick Valence: vocals, guitar
Victorien Vilchez: guitar
Mahx: bass
Gorgor: drums

Tracklist
01. Love me rotten (love me true)
02. The worm on the hook
03. Damnation
04. Strange song
05. Welcome to my funeral
06. The old smell of the meat
07. Mucho mojo!
08. The end
09. Necrophiliac
10. Damage inc. (Metallica cover)
11. Adrift

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